My heart is doing weird stuff. Some days I wake up and feel like I am in the middle of a heart attack and other days I wake up so sore and twisted I can barely stand. I am getting these flutters, these palpitations and they are only adding to my panic. I know they are also a symptom of my anxiety but when your brain is a boggled hot mess everything feels fatal. The same thing happened when Angela died. And then five months later when Melissa passed away. I started getting sick or feeling like I could get sick and my brain just took it and ran with it. I hate that I just can't be 38 and sort of kind of healthy. I hate that I just can't crawl out from under the chasis of my subconscious and just be Michele for a while. I hate that I know what is going on with me and yet I let this control me. I hate that I don't know who I am anymore. I just want to like myself again.