A tale of multiple tumblrs and why I'm here to stay.
I am a talker, that cliche girl who needs to talk things out to make things make sense. I don't need you to give me answers, or fix things for me, I just need to talk things out otherwise they fester and escalate. I am also a single mom, raising a pretty spectacular girl in a province where I don't know a lot of people.
Enter tumblr. It started innocently enough, as I grew through several different urls, I found a strong voice. I shared very honestly and openly about who I was, what I love, what I fear, and everything silly in between. The only thing I didn't really speak of was work. I didn't come to tumblr to bitch about work, I came to have a personal voice, and find myself again after a difficult break up, trying to redefine my life.
Long story short, people from work found my tumblr. And despite url changes and multiple deactivations, they continued to find me through those people I followed and followed me.
Because I saw value in this space, a place to write and share, a community in which I felt a part of, I continued to stay. Knowing they watched me, I edited what I said. But this is not about others choices and actions, it's about how it impacted me.
The more I edited, the less I felt. My writing became forced and unnatural. Yes, I was still present, and I could heart you, but I was not contributing in what I felt to be an authentic and positive way anymore. Sort of defeated the purpose of being online at all.
So I am here. And I came here reluctantly. Not knowing if I truly could have the privacy and the space in which I would ever feel comfortable letting down my walls again. And i still don't. I am more confident knowing that I control who sees my "friends only" posts, and I can revoke access at any time. However; can I truly write with my heart forward again? I don't know. I am having fun online again for the first time in a long time, and i am so thankful for that. But part of me hopes this stays small, quiet, less dramatic, and less visible than what other social media sites have grown into.
But that's my story. It's why 90% of my stuff will be "friends only". Why I seem a little guarded at times. But I'm nicer than I appear, mostly friendly, always snarky, try me...I'm not as bad as they say ;)