Starting over
A tale of multiple tumblrs and why I'm here to stay.
I am a talker, that cliche girl who needs to talk things out to make things make sense. I don't need you to give me answers, or fix things for me, I just need to talk things out otherwise they fester and escalate. I am also a single mom, raising a pretty spectacular girl in a province where I don't know a lot of people.
Enter tumblr. It started innocently enough, as I grew through several different urls, I found a strong voice. I shared very honestly and openly about who I was, what I love, what I fear, and everything silly in between. The only thing I didn't really speak of was work. I didn't come to tumblr to bitch about work, I came to have a personal voice, and find myself again after a difficult break up, trying to redefine my life.
Long story short, people from work found my tumblr. And despite url changes and multiple deactivations, they continued to find me through those people I followed and followed me.
Because I saw value in this space, a place to write and share, a community in which I felt a part of, I continued to stay. Knowing they watched me, I edited what I said. But this is not about others choices and actions, it's about how it impacted me.
The more I edited, the less I felt. My writing became forced and unnatural. Yes, I was still present, and I could heart you, but I was not contributing in what I felt to be an authentic and positive way anymore. Sort of defeated the purpose of being online at all.
So I am here. And I came here reluctantly. Not knowing if I truly could have the privacy and the space in which I would ever feel comfortable letting down my walls again. And i still don't. I am more confident knowing that I control who sees my "friends only" posts, and I can revoke access at any time. However; can I truly write with my heart forward again? I don't know. I am having fun online again for the first time in a long time, and i am so thankful for that. But part of me hopes this stays small, quiet, less dramatic, and less visible than what other social media sites have grown into.
But that's my story. It's why 90% of my stuff will be "friends only". Why I seem a little guarded at times. But I'm nicer than I appear, mostly friendly, always snarky, try me...I'm not as bad as they say ;)
Wonderful, wonderful post. Glad you are here, and enjoying getting to know you x
I value all of your words Jaye. I did notice you were editing yourself on Tumblr but you still were sharing your life. As you know I'm a big fan and have been for a long time. I'm with you, part of me wants this to stay small but then the other part knowing that Jon has and is working so hard and has done a fantastic job wants to see it grow.
I'm glad you're here :)
I'm glad you're here. I was sad when you deactivated a while ago. I felt like I had just started to learn about you and then poof! gone.
I feel like this is a common theme, among many including myself. I'm STILL nervous for when the flood comes, probably a lot this weekend, and I'm still nervous for when that ONE person friends me and can see my friends only and then I edit again. But until then this has really been a wonderful, refreshing, liberating new start.
What happens to a lot of people is that Tumblr is our secret life that we don't tell others about... but then others find it, like a friend asks/we tell them or some coincidence happens where someone finds us. (I had an IRL friend I wanted to be with really bad say she saw a post where I'd said precisely that, and claimed she'd found it by a Google search [I doubt that] and quoted my tag on it [it's not visible in my theme]...
Anyhow, enjoy your new sense of control and let your words flow again.
You guys all need to understand how the friend mechanism works. The only people who can see your "Friends Only" posts are the people you have marked as Friends.
If somebody else marks you as a friend, buy you not them, they don't see a damn thing.
@jonbeckett i do get how the friend mechanism works, and I love it. I think its just residual anxiety.