I wish it were all the same
I wish I could still have that connection with you
I wish we could still talk like we used to
I wish my brain could erase things
I wish I could have it all
I wish I didn't feel like something is missing
I wish I didn't feel like you're missing
Guess I was wrong for feeling comfortable enough to share how I feel about him and us.
I told him and this is my response...
"I know how you feel, I don't need an hour long lecture every time"
That killed me.
In all my relationships and even my marriage I have never felt the way I do, and I have NEVER shared my feelings. Just makes me feel like being closed off is the right way to be.
Sigh. Funny how fast things can change.
for once in my life I'm putting myself out there. I love him to the point where I can be hurt... No, devastated should he decide I'm not what he wants anymore.
Even though I'm scared... It's sort of a relief. I don't feel like I need to keep up a certain persona or act like who I think I should be. I can let the good, bad, ugly, and all my crazy hang out there. He doesn't bat an eye he loves be because of all those things... Not in-spite of those things.
Wow. Being truly accepted for EVERYTHING you are is amazing.
I never thought I'd have this.
Trying like hell to fight through my anxiety this morning. I don't know what has triggered it, or why it has come on so strong, but I'm sitting here fighting back tears... I know if they start it will be a complete breakdown.
I hate being paralyzed by some unknown fear....
I actually hate who this has made me.
Wish I knew how to get over it or fight it back.
Sigh.
*** I'm just trying to get what's in my head out somewhere***
I developed a very close friendship with someone I think the world of.
This person helped me realize a lot of meaningful things about myself. Valuable things, things I had been ignoring or scared of.
This person didn't judge me, they simply listened.... It was amazing and it was on a level I have never had before. In the same turn they shared with me... And when you share hopes, fears, and secrets with someone you can't help but feel extremely bonded with them.
Long story short...
It hurts to not talk anymore. I feel like something is missing from my day, from my life... it's sad. I have no right to ask for your time or attention, it's not my place to expect anything from you.
I wish I could be that important person to you
I wish you would let me be there for you
I wish this didn't hurt
I wish I didn't have to let it all go.
I wish you the best.
You are amazingly special to me.
Today I miss him. So much.
I'm so fearful he won't be able to find a job that fits his needs and pays what he is worth and that means I wouldn't be able to move when Im planning to.
Can I tell you guys that I'm so done with my life in Oregon. My future is not here. I know it. I'm ready to be useful. To love again, to be fearless....
Not being able to do this as planned.... It would devastate me.
(Side note... How great is it I can post uncensored here! Incredible!)
Bragged about my $12 purchase on that other site, so I'll do it here too!
Also, I think I'll stay awake and watch the sun rise!
With the new update apple out out I can upload photos from my iPad.
Pretty awesome!
I give you a picture that... Isint needed but I'm posting anyhow because I want to see if it really works. Or if apple is being a tease.
High five!
If it matters or not, but I have been using this site and posting (pics and all) from my android phone.
Just throwing that out there in case it is useful.
:)
How can you see who liked your post??
Alright... Now the party can start! ;)
I'm here!
Though my name was too long, I had to shorten it to be accepted.
But that's something I can understand.
Anyhow, hi!